Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
