No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
