Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
