Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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