never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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