Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize