eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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