I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
