I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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