Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
