naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
