this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
