He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
