The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
