Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
