Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
