Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
