I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
