Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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