my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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