the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
