so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
