Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize