Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize