News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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