dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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