If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize