Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
