Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
