My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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