I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i barfeds in our rink
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
