totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
