Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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