just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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