Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
