he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
