your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
vagina is talking i cant
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize