okay pat passed out under dana's car
i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can I color on your dick again?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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