I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
