how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
