her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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