my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
