it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
