420 ftw
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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