Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
