your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
