Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
