i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
