Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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