So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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