I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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