Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
