So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
