The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
sarcasm needs its own font
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
