Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
