You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
