Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
