Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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