I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
