i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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