my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
