You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
