Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
