It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
