Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
