matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
