just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
