i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
accomplished twins. life is a go
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
