We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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