I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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