hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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