It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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