Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize