Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I still have a little drunk in my system
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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