sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
