K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
