so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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