Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am one with the molecules
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
