her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize