Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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