i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
