i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
