Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
